my phone needs a breathalizer
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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