I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
