one might say we're banned from that church
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
