Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
