Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
