And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
