at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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