I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
