It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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