is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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