no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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