I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my fart just growled at me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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