ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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