I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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