sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
