Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm just crazy horny about you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
