Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
