and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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