She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
