No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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