You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
