I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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