no, he came in my armpit
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
