Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
