he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
