At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
