Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
