If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
