I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
