Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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