I think I died a long time ago.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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