i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
