so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
