I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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