you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am available for nakedness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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