In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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