Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
