Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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