wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
