New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my being single is dangerous.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
