The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
