We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
