If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
