did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
