oh god the rape fog is back!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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