so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
