The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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