So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have tasted many bathrooms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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