That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
