I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
