Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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