The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize