My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
