I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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