sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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