He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
