Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
false alarm, still single
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
