If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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