my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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