YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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