dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
