So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
