i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
barbara walters just said penis...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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