i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
