Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize