we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
