there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm too high and old for this...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
